I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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