i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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