I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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