my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
