I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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