a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
