I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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