the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
