i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
