Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
