Pants 0. Shit 1.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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