I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
