so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
