so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
