What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
