Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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