You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
