I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
