Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
