I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
