remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have fence marks all over my body
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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