I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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