3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drake has all the answers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
