Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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