clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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