508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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