dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
