someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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