Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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