do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
