I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
two words...techno handjob
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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