is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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