PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
