I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
