Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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