Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
