Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
