nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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