He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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