I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
