he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
