I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this just has baby written all over it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
