In the future we'll all be gay
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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