so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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