hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
