i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
