btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
