Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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