The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
