my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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