dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
