i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
