Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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