Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
