My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
