I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
