I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
