I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
