there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
