Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
