did you get engaged???
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
