She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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