i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
