hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
