I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
