I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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