This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
