I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
