People with herpes should wear stickers.
time to smoke my breakfast
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
