If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
