He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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